Thursday, October 16, 2008

What should come first? Friendship or your reputation?...A trick question that I was faced with today. Briefly as possible, this is what happened:

The reputation of one particular female member of our group of friends is under fire. Meaning that she was seen simply standing with members of the opposite sex, including myself. Her parents found out and made a huge deal out of the issue after the entire campus starting to talk about her blasphemous behavior.
The solution to this problem to savw what's left of her reputation is to sever all connections with her male aquantances.

My question is this: despite the obvious fact that the problem from its core is rediculous and should not even be an issue, what should be done. It is the unfortunate fact of life that girls are under this kind of pressure from society, however, should they put their reputations before their friendships with the people they are about to ignore? Of course, a person's reputation amoung his or her peers is of utmost importance, but is it so wrong for people to defy the norm and simply continue with their actions despite the horrible things that would be aid about them behind their backs or even to their very faces?

Personally, I think that her course of action is the easy way out. To simply comply with society's demands without a fight to preserve her reputation as a respectable girl. On the other hand, to defy society is to sign your own death dertificate - meaning that if she does so, she could kiss marriage and a normal life goodbye!

So what is to be done in this situation? Put yourself in her shoes and think of what your course of action would be.

9 comments:

*~*Ryn*~* said...

I actually HAVE been in her shoes. More like, I'm in her shoes everyday. I hate how judgmental most societies can be. But I have also come to terms with the fact that the judgmental part wont change. I suppose it's better to ignore all comments. I mean, its her life. But all the stuff about going on with a normal life after that, is yes, impossible. It's matter of opinion and how you value things, I suppose.

Khalid said...

I know, but sometimes being a martyr and fighting for your own rights or whatever can be a little too overwhelming for someone simply trying to get by in life. I think it needs someone with specific capabilities and a strong personality and indifference towards the popular oppinion.
Of course it all depends on each induvidual, but most people would just take the easy way out...

*~*Ryn*~* said...

Well... mostly you just make a choice, stick by it and fight like hell to survive.

Anonymous said...

that IS a pretty complicated scenario. i remember once, i was hanging out w/ 3 guy friends and my mom was saying that that was wrong (but i think she was referring more to the fact that they're gay... lol). anyways, she didn't make a big deal cause, they're my guy friends, they take care of me :D

as for your friend, i think it's way more hard cause of the culture and society's beliefs there.

Now said...

just because there are thiefs in the society doesnt mean that we should cut everones hand. there are gals doing wrong things but why should others pay for them. everyday i go and come to school with 4 girl friends (not girlfriends lol) as there is no guy going to the same school in our area we do get a lot of bad words but now people readily accpet that there is nothing wrong in it. i think the best for her will be just to be herself she need not change because of what the society thinks yeah even i do agree that she should be more cautious and increase the distance a little. friends come and go but i reputation once gone will never come back. but in this situation it is not her thats wrong so i dont find the least bit reason why she should change
this is just my opinion i donno whether its the correct thing or not

Khalid said...

agreed.
and as for the girl, she's taking it pretty well. To my surprise, she hasn't severed all male connections, but has begun to phase us out gradually. Like leaving early, findig excuses not to stand with us, etc...subtle, and effective. lol

Bruce Johnson said...

This is more of a generational question than a societal one. From the point of view of the 'West' this seems archaic, but in reality this sort of repression was practiced in the United States up until the early 60s. Now it seems like ancient history.

The elders here are trying to dig in their heals against the change that is eventually going to over take their culture eventually. We are all headed to, if not a one world government, then a one world conciousness. It is just a matter of time.

This is similar to the Spanish Inquistion of the 1600s, where the Catholic Church attempted to suprress free thought that was no in line with the Church. Eventually the church was marigainalized and the world moved on.

What should she do depends on the options that she may or may not have. If she plans / chooses to remain in her current societal / peer group, she would need to comply. If she was able to move elsewhere into a different societal / peer group she could behave however she wants. Better to play it safe that incure the wraith of the old guard.

Khalid said...

the problem with that is the fact that there is no other societal/ peer group. Everyone in the government educational system seems to think that, and those in it who don't, are shunned by the rest and deemed sinful...

margeauxmargeaux said...

This post was really enlightening to me, thanxxx you!!!!!! I have known for a long time that there are these sorts of behavioural restrictions in some other countries (I am from Canada so never seen anything like this happen) but since I dont witness or experience this kind of thing, its hard to really comprehend. Lets just say... I dont think about it every day.
What I want to say is, "FIGHT THE SYSTEM!". . .if it were me, I would be a rebel, stick with my friends, do what I want. Regardless of what people are going to think. But these are MY initial thoughts, and I have been reared in a very, very different society than this girl. "sorry, Canadian girl. its just not that simple."
If I were in an Egyptian metal band I would say, "THE WHOLE WORRLDDD IS IN CHAAINS!!!!!!!!!!"
Which makes me wonder, how is metal received in Egypt??????